MOUNTAIN VIEW, California - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: gOOg) today announced the acquisition of the last remaining internet porn site and launched its newest and most ambitious Google product to date, You-bOOb. "Let’s face it, 99.999% of both internet sites and internet traffic is for porn, so obviously that’s where the real money is," said Google co-founder and President Larry Page. “And we ought to know. If you took away the approximately one trillion porn searches using Google every day, hell, we could run the rest of the whole operation from a couple of old Apple II’s we’ve got sitting around up in the attic.”
Page’s Google co-founder, Sergey Brin elaborated further. “Basically, by buying up every single internet porn site – which, by the way, was effected largely by transfer of shares of our already absurdly over-priced common stock to the prior porn site owners – we have not only provided the internet porn seeker with a simplified, one-stop search process for all his pornographic needs at You-bOOb, we have also significantly enhanced the access speed for the remaining 0.0001% of internet traffic. Plus, of course, it makes it that much easier for us to data-mine the amazing amount of, let’s just say, ‘valuable’ information we’ve been collecting about the perverse and disgusting habits of the millions of internet users we’ve been keeping track of since we first launched Google.” “Oh, and also it’s lucrative as hell and we thought of it before Bill Gates did!” Page chuckled.
Industry financial analysts have already reacted favorably to the announcement, noting that pornography is practically the only thing that makes a profit on the internet, anyway, and raised Google's average one year target price estimate from $567 to $12,348,931 per share.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment