Is Blood Thicker Than WD30?

Returning home from a family outing today, we drove past one of those hole-in-the-wall used car dealerships one finds scattered throughout the nation. However, this particular enterprise was, if not unique, certainly different from any I’ve ever seen before. Along with the signs informing prospective buyers of easy credit financing and such was another sign prominently proclaiming “Bail Bonds.”

Now, just in case you’ve never needed to avail yourself of the services of a bail bondsman, let me briefly explain. Those charged with serious crimes typically will be held in custody while awaiting trial unless they can post bail in whatever amount the court decides is sufficient, let’s just say $10,000, to ensure the defendant will show up in court. If he does, he gets the ten thousand back; if not, he doesn’t.

Of course, the defendant may not have ten thousand dollars available to post bail, in which case he can go to a bondsman and pay usually ten percent of the bail, in which case the bondsman posts the bail and assumes the risk of loss. As with used car salesmen, bail bondsmen may not number among society’s elite, but they serve a useful function. Combining those functions, on the other hand, seems a bit, well, conflicted.

SALESMAN (BONDSMAN): Afternoon, sir. What can I do for you today?

CUSTOMER: Well, my brother Billy’s been arrested and I need to get him out of jail.

SALESMAN: I see. What was he charged with?

CUSTOMER: Um, vehicular manslaughter.

SALESMAN: That’s a shame. First time offender?

CUSTOMER: Oh, hell no. Billy’s had four DWI’s already and enough speeding tickets to choke a hog.

SALESMAN: Hmm. Well, then, it doesn’t look like his chances of being acquitted are all that promising.

CUSTOMER: No, I guess it doesn’t.

SALESMAN: Tell me, just out of curiosity, was there much damage to the car he was driving?

CUSTOMER: Are you kidding? The drunken fool totaled the car. That’s why I had to ride the bus to come see you.

SALESMAN: Oh dear, that is a shame. And how much was bail set at?

CUSTOMER: Ten thousand dollars.

SALESMAN: I see. Well, sure, come into my office and we can start the paperwork right away and have him out first thing tomorrow morning. If... well, if that’s what you want, that is.

CUSTOMER: Why sure it’s what I want. Why’d you ask that?

SALESMAN: Well, it’s just that will cost you a thousand dollars, nonrefundable of course. You do have a thousand dollars, don’t you?

CUSTOMER: I sure do. I’ve been saving it up, um,... for a new car.

SALESMAN: Well, now, that really is a pity because, you know, I have several extra clean late model vehicles at the moment I could let you have for a thousand dollars down. And from what you tell me, it looks like your brother is going to end up in prison, anyway. But I understand your dilemma. After all, blood is thicker than water, and I must say I admire you for your loyalty under the circumstances.

CUSTOMER: So, um, tell me. How much do you want for that red convertible?