Stunning New Poll Results: Presidential Candidate Ron Paul Suddenly Leads Pack

PRINCETON, New Jersey – A new Gallup Poll survey of likely voters in the 2008 presidential election shockingly shows libertarian Representative Ron Paul (R-Texas) the new front runner. Results from the survey of over six hundred Americans randomly selected from a database comprised from a list of subscribers to Reason Magazine, contributors to the Cato Institute and members of the Mont Pelerin Society showed that 87% of likely voters prefer Paul over the other announced candidates. Second place went to “None of the Above” (10%) and third place (2%) to “Unsure.” Former front runners Barack Obama, John McCain and Hillary Rodham Clinton came in at 0.01%, 0.0002% and –99.4%, respectively. The poll has a margin of error of plus or minus six and seven eighth's percent.

Congressman Paul was informed of the poll’s findings while attending a fund raising event. “I’m gratified by these numbers,” the former flight surgeon told reporters, “and I think it just goes to support what I’ve been saying for some time. No one is better qualified than I am to be President of the United States. Unfortunately, the Constitution doesn’t permit us to elect no one, so I’m the next best thing.”

Those attending the fund raiser, a Fish Fry with catering provided by the congressman’s wife, Mrs. Paul, were also gladdened by the news. “This is great,” said the candidate’s son, Franciscan seminarian Ron Paul II while taking over for his mother at the deep fryer. "Dad's the major flier in the family and mom's the major fryer, so it only made sense for me to become the friar minor" he joked. The younger Paul then attempted to explain his father’s campaign strategy and governing philosophy. Regrettably, the exceedingly high volume of the recorded guitar music played in the background by the candidate’s cousin, the late Les Paul, made the son's comments impossible to understand. The beer battered fish fillets, however, were very tasty.