Classic TV Finales, Palestinian Style

Farfour is dead. In the final Hamas-affiliated Al Aqsa TV episode, the Mickey Mouse knockoff who preached Islamic domination was, wait for it... beaten to death by an Israeli Jew.

This whole "beaten to death by Jews" idea for TV series finales could save Hollywood a whole lot of needless time and trouble. Just think, for example, how much easier it would have been to write the final episode of The Sopranos if, by long standing tradition, audiences understood that Tony and his two families would be beaten to death in the end by Hyman Roth's avenging descendants. Of course, such a tradition would have to have started decades ago, so here's what the final episodes of some old TV shows would have gone like if those Farfour writers had been in charge:

Howdy Doody - Clarabell never spoke a word for 13 years until the final minutes of the last show when Buffalo Bob read a note from the clown. "Why, I can't believe it!" Bob exclaimed. "Clarabell can talk! Is this true?" Clarabell nodded. "Well", Bob said, "Go ahead. Say something!" "JEWS!" the clown screamed as Jewish thugs beat the entire cast, crew and kiddie audience to death.

The Fugitive - Just before being stoned to death for killing his wife (ordinarily just a misdemeanor, but she was the Imam's daughter), Dr. Raji Kimble escapes, only to be pursued for years by the relentless police Lt. Mustafa Gerard. Just as Gerard is about to capture Kimble, the One-Armed Jew is discovered lurking in the shadows. Kimble and Gerard catch him and beat him to death, Kimble's name is cleared and the Imam declares a Great Victory and gives Kimble two more of his daughters as a reward.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show - While Mary and the gang at WJM-TV have one final group hug, the phone rings and they discover that their contracts, drawn up by crafty Jewish lawyers, are air-tight and they can't be fired after all. The evil Jewish station owners, outraged, burst into the newsroom and beat them all, except for Ted Baxter, to death.

M*A*S*H: "Goodbye, Farewell and Allahu Akbar" - After the rest of the 4077th bugs out while Jewish North Koreans sweep through the front lines beating to death everyone they encounter, B.J. takes the still recuperating Hawkeye to a waiting helicopter. Once the helicopter is aloft, Hawkeye opens and reads a note from B.J. that reads "My initials stood for ben Judah, you fool!" Realizing he's been duped by evil Jews, Hawkeye is nonetheless too weak to fight back as the evil Jewish helicopter pilot throws him from the chopper to his death. As he plummets, the last thing he sees is where B.J. formed a huge Star of David from stones on the hillside.

Newhart - Bob gets into an altercation with handymen Larry, Darryl and Darryl and they knock him unconscious with a Moose head. When he awakens, he discovers he is in his apartment bedroom lying next to his wife, Rhoda. "What's the matter, Bob?" she asks him, "You've been tossing and turning like a meshugener!" He tells her about his dream and she says, ""That's the last time you nosh on pastrami before bed. You kept me up all night, you putz!" She then beats him to death.

Seinfeld - For no reason at all, the entire cast beat each other to death.