Friday, June 8, 2007

Constant Viewer: Ocean's Twenty-One

HOLLYWOOD, June 2026 – Principal photography is scheduled to begin this week for Ocean's Twenty-One (working title, O-21: Bingo!), the tenth sequel to the glossy remake of the original glossy Sinatra Rat Pack action / adventure / comedy / romance / paid vacation for middle-aged actors and singers. Once again George Clooney’s Danny Ocean gathers up the usual suspects: Brad Pitt, Elliot Gould, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan; newcomers Orlando Bloom, Hugh Jackman, Tobey Maguire, Owen Wilson, John Travolta, Johnny Depp; the starting lineup of the Los Angeles Lakers, a CGI performance from the late Prof. Irwin Corey and a special cameo appearance by CBS News anchor Paris Hilton.

This time around also features the return of Matt Damon, missing from the last six sequels since his election ten years ago to the U.S. Senate. Sen. Damon (D-Mass) is ironically reprising his role as "Good" Will Hunting for O-21, now an MIT professor whose mathematical formula to beat the odds at BINGO becomes the film’s McGuffin when Danny and the boys try to clean out every Sunday afternoon BINGO game in Branson, MO in time to make the Early-Bird Special at Denny's. An unnamed aging actress and a pliant ingenue or two round out the cast.

Asked about his new casting choices, Clooney explained from his Palladian villa, Palazzo dei Sequali, “Hey, we’d have gotten Stallone and Willis back if they weren’t busy shooting Rocky Dies Hard IV. But you know, it really doesn’t matter. We plan on milking this cash cow one way or the other until they finally pay us to stop making the damned things."

Clooney surprised television audiences early last year in his first ever return to “E.R.,” then in its thirty-second season, earning an Emmy nomination for his portrayal of “the bleeding guy on the gurney.”

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P.S. -- Constant Viewer has seen Ocean's Thirteen and can think of at least thirteen good reasons why you shouldn't, all of which bear portraits of George Washington.

1 comment:

Grotius said...

Are you trying to say something about sequels?